Mary Maclane 2: on being understood

Following on from my first post about The Story of Mary Maclane by Herself:

2) Mary Maclane catalogued a bunch of men she'd been with (and a woman or two as well), but ultimately her fantasy was to marry the devil. Throughout the play, she repeatedly called out, 'Kind devil, deliver me!' and listed things she wanted to be delivered from. She turned to the devil because she thought he was the only one who could understand her loneliness, her deep self-understanding, her misunderstood genius and her depth of passion.

It made me think about who understands me. Obviously Tim and my close friends do to some extent, but it wasn't her friends who were on view in this. She was talking about complete understanding - something I used to long for in my teenage years (quite desperately).

In recent years, I've found that when things are really hard, or I'm feeling some kind of pain really intensely, it's God who I've turned to and know that he understands. I felt sad that the Christianity of her day (and probably ours too) didn't present this picture of God: Jesus as the one who understands free-thinkers and radicals because he was the ultimate non-conformist, defying the religious authorities of his day to call them to account for their corruption and hypocrisy. Jesus as the one who understands the misunderstood because he was rejected and dismissed by his family and hometown, betrayed by a close friend, suffered innocently and was eventually killed for claiming that he was who he really was. It's God my Father who comprehends every detail about me because he created me, has seen all my experiences, thoughts, actions - he knows me better than I know myself. In my more intense moments, I have turned to words like these from Psalm 42 that express that intensity so evocatively:

 My soul is cast down within me;
        therefore I remember you...

     Deep calls to deep
        at the thunder of your cataracts;
    all your waves and your billows
        have gone over me.

In the end, the devil turns up and rejects Mary Maclane because she's so desperate and that's unattractive. After this, in a twist that surprised me a lot and wasn't anticipated at all in the play up to that people, she turns to God and although he doesn't answer her questions, there's an intimacy and peace that is refreshing after the mad frenzy of her fantasies about the devil.